Ripple to Revelation
The Repeating Shadow and the Journey Toward Conscious Love
Seeing the shadow for the first time is never the end of the story. People often think insight is transformation — “I see that I’m controlling,” “I see that I’m selfish,” “I see that I’m dependent.” And yes, the first glimpse matters. But the unconscious doesn’t offer illumination in one clean flash and call it done. It works in spirals. The psyche shows us the same pattern again and again, each time with more pressure, more tension, more emotional charge — not to punish us, but to deepen the encounter with ourselves. Insight is only the doorway. Integration is the crossing and the unconscious does not let up. It shows us the same pattern in a slightly different form, with slightly more emotional intensity, until the ego can bear the full weight of what is being revealed.
The first time we hear of this concept and see a shadow quality, it feels almost flattering. We feel evolved for noticing it. The second time, it returns, the encounter is sharper, the sting deeper. The personality resists, rationalizes, deflects. This is the moment people often think they’re regressing or failing, when in truth the psyche is saying, “Good you’re more awake now — look again.” The shadow is whatever we don’t recognize as ours — the unclaimed part that returns until we’re ready to face it. This is also the point where what psychology calls repetition compulsion becomes, in Jung’s terms, the engine of individuation — the pattern repeating until consciousness enters. And by the third or fourth time it returns, we’re in the real work. The pattern becomes undeniable. Then this is where the unconscious says, “You’re not done.” There’s always more to be revealed and in truth it now becomes more meaningful and considerably less painful. You know our relationships are never random or accidental. If we are growing, we will feel in awe at how connected we are to the Universe, to our own psyche, to the unconscious — the Self.
This is the moment a real inner dialogue becomes possible. Once the ego stops fighting the repetition and turns toward it, the unconscious is more likely to reveal its intention. To turn inward and ask, What are you showing me now? What do you want me to see this time? What is still unlived, unhealed, unclaimed? When we do that sincerely, something extraordinary happens: the relationship between ego and unconscious becomes active. Alive. Luminous. This is the beginning of creating the living relationship with our inner world. This is also where the inner God-image — the Self — begins to guide rather than disrupt. Emotions stop operating “out there,” flying around like loose sparks, and instead become signals pointing inward. Conflict and projections start to constellate inward as meaning — symbols instead of explosions. Our dreams begin to give us information and these repeated nightly visitations are the unconscious insisting on our participation.
As Jung taught, the psyche never wastes energy; if a pattern returns, it’s because something essential has not yet been claimed. The shadow is not a defect — it is a messenger. The psyche does not let us return to sleep. Once the conversation with the unconscious begins, the path is forward — toward greater awareness, greater responsibility, and greater inner freedom. But this kind of freedom comes with a price as once this process starts, it cannot be undone. The price is the loss of unconsciousness — the responsibility to stay honest with ourselves. Jung spoke about this very phenomenon when he wrote that it is better to approach the unconscious willingly rather than to “fall into it backwards” — in CW 9ii: Aion, Researches into the Phenomenology of the Self, par. 125, he said,
“If he does this consciously and intentionally, he avoids all the unhappy consequences of repressed individuation. In other words, if he voluntarily takes the burden of completeness on himself, he need not find it “happening” to him against his will in a negative form. This is as much as to say that anyone who is destined to descend into a deep pit had better set about it with all the necessary precautions rather than risk falling into the hole backwards.”
Illumination becomes less frightening when the ego becomes a participant rather than a victim. Consciousness, even when painful is a participation in our own becoming as we are now more responsible to and for ourselves. Then doing shadow work becomes less about surviving emotional upheaval and more about collaborating with the instinct for wholeness that lives inside us.
From here, detachment happens much more naturally. Not withdrawal, not apathy, but the ability to stay present without being thrown off center. You start to recognize, “This feeling is familiar — this is my old wound surfacing again,” and instead of reacting outwardly, you turn inward. Dialogue replaces reactivity. Curiosity replaces collapse. Slowly, the unconscious learns that it can trust you. And once that relationship with the unconscious begins, you cannot go back. You cannot un-see what has been seen or un-know what has been known. Consciousness moves in one direction: forward.
Richard Idemon, one of my favorite astrologers/authors once humorously said this about seeing into our opposites, “The chickens have come home to roost.” So yes, we must keep our humor intact. Humor creates just enough psychic distance from the shadow to prevent inflation or collapse. I like to smile inside and eagerly revel in this connection.
Now we have a partner for life that is calling out to us to pay attention and especially to pay attention to our dreams. Dreams are how the unconscious speaks to us and the more we answer those calls, the more our relationships — romantic and otherwise — become places where consciousness can be shared with honest dialogue. It truly does start to dissipate the charge we feel when triggered. We begin to get those “Aha — so that’s why this happened! Now I see what you’re carrying for me!” moments. It’s pretty cool, really. Love becomes less reactive and more spacious. Slowly, quietly, the soul — our connection between the conscious and the unconscious — becomes visible. And in that revelation, love becomes something wiser, deeper, and infinitely more real.
My new book is now available on Amazon (https://a.co/d/iIYl461), and you can also purchase it directly from my website. If you order through my site, you can send me your birth data (time, place and date) and I’ll include a personal note letting you know which planet is in — or rules — your 7th house and is in aspect to Venus.
My article (a synopsis of the book) on pg 9
ONLINE-WEBINAR is now available. 6-Week Journey into Conscious Relationship by owning your shadow — together. Learn to see conflict as connection, projection as reflection, and love as the shared work of awakening. Especially for couples who want an authentic, soul-centered partnership.
“My favorite part about being an Astrologer is helping my clients become aware of the birth chart as a map of their soul which manifests from day 1. As Jung said, “We are not born tabula rasa, (blank slates).” You will understand this completely when you have a consultation. My goal is always to help you forgive the past and let go. You are in charge of living your individuality in a creative way that is life enhancing, instead of repeating endless patterns and feeling victimized by your fate.” — R
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